CMV and pregnancy #3

When I was about 9 weeks pregnant we went in for our first prenatal appointment. Since it was the first time they would try to hear the baby, I wanted Jeff to go with me in case something was wrong. I tend to worry A LOT, so until I get to see that heartbeat I don’t even try to connect with the pregnancy or baby too much. At the appointment, the midwife asked all the typical questions, and everything was going fine. How could I possibly be on baby #3? It was just so crazy to me that I was going through all this for the 3^rd and probably final time.

It was finally time to check for the heartbeat with a doppler, she looked and looked and couldn’t find it. I of course started to panic; this must be why I haven’t been as sick, something is wrong with the baby. Finally she just brought out the ultrasound machine, and within a few seconds I was able to see the little heartbeat just beating away. It never gets old seeing that new little life, and I was so relieved. We left the appointment so excited and headed down to get some routine lab work done.

When I arrived at the lab, I signed all the usual papers, but they also asked me if I wanted to participate in this study that looks for CMV-cytomegalovirus. What even was that? I’m a health educator, so I am always up for helping science. I let them take an extra vile of blood for this study, sure that it would be negative and I didn’t really think of it again.

A week later I got a call from the midwives office, something had come up on my blood work. She asked me if I remembered signing up to get my blood tested for that CMV study, which I of course did. She then informed me that I was positive and that I needed to call the specialists and schedule a meeting to get more info. As I researched the virus on the internet, I was overwhelmed with information and totally freaked out. CMV is a very common virus, but when caught for the first time in pregnancy it can cause various issues for the fetus. There is about a 50/50 chance your body wont pass the virus to the fetus, but because I caught the virus in early pregnancy if my baby does get it the damage could be more sever than if caught later in pregnancy.

A few days later we met with the specialist. We had an ultrasound and at that time, everything looked fine. They sat us down after and discussed this study that was currently being conducted on women who were infected with CMV for the first time during pregnancy. Basically you are either given an iv filled with immunoglobulin, or you are given placebo. The infusions take 6 hours and are given every 4 weeks during the remainder of your pregnancy. Also, after the baby is born they do additional follow up to look for hearing loss and other issues. Right now, all the treatments for CMV are pretty experimental, so most insurances won’t cover them and for most people they are too expensive to just pay for out of pocket. So, after taking the weekend to think about it, Jeff and I decided to enroll in the study.

Right now, I feel like we are in a limbo of sorts. So far, baby looks healthy but I cant help but worry that maybe we wont be one of the lucky ones who escapes the virus unscathed. At the 20 week ultrasound, we will have a better idea of how baby really looks and if there are any issues with its development. There are so many emotions because usually you look forward to that big ultrasound and gender reveal, and while I still look forward to it, its mostly to know what our future is going to look like. And even then, things are pretty unsure. I have to remember that most babies that end up getting the virus still end up healthy and happy, but everyday I still think about the worse case scenario. I think it’s normal to worry about the baby in any pregnancy, but when you know you are carrying this virus that could greatly impact your baby its like I actually have something concrete to worry about.

I plan to write about the pregnancy on this blog, because it’s been alienating and writing is a therapy of sorts for me. I also think women need to know about this virus. It makes me so mad that they don’t screen you for the CMV virus upon childbearing years just to see if you have had the virus previously and have antibodies. Often children are the biggest transmitters of the virus, so if you know you don’t have immunity you can be even more careful about coming in contact with their bodily fluids. They assume I probably got the virus from one of my girls. We share drinks, treats, even breakfast sometimes, so I feel like if I would have known I didn’t have immunity to this virus already, I could have been really cautious about continuing to share with them.

I have my second infusion in a week and a half, and then our 20 week ultrasound is at the end of September. Regardless of what happens, this experience has taught me so many things already. I have been really grateful for the medical professionals who have watched over me and the baby, and I know I’m blessed to be surrounded by the best care I could hope for. Sometimes, I wish I had never signed up to get my blood screened. Most ladies that are infected with CMV in pregnancy don’t even know they have had it. It’s only until something shows up with the baby that they find out. So now I just sit with the knowledge that I contracted this virus during an imperative time in development, but for now we just wait to see what that could mean. My body has grown two big healthy girls before, even when I struggled with my health. So I have hope that it can grow a healthy baby again and protect it from the effects of CMV. Each day I am trying to choose faith over fear. And some days I am better at it than others!